Saddle Sore

Well, it was a fun run.

After 4 1/2 years of non-stop work and doing everything that was asked of me and more - even when the amount of work that landed on my plate was far more than any one person can or should be responsible for, it's time for a new chapter in this adventure called 'life'.

A number of students that used our service have graduated, so if the meeting had gone the way of ‘We just don’t have enough work, we are sorry we can’t renew your contract.’ that would have been plausible and an appropriate way of letting me go. While that would have been the kind way of letting me go, it wouldn't have been true.

It didn’t go down that way. Instead Supe went for the personal, using mischaracterizations and skewed situations as an explanation for the decision. As I wrote in Chhhcchhchhhanges this semester has been a rough one.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been this exhausted; Mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I have been worn down to nothingness.”

I wrote those words two days after our meeting, when Supe notified me that my contract for the fall would not be renewed.

After more than a week of recovering from such a long and stressful work environment, I’m waking to the fact that the actual job, the people that I worked with on a daily basis and the team the evolved over these last few year - it was amazing, it was more than I could have ever dreamed of, and it had so little to do with the ‘chain of command’.

That chain of command though, I am relieved to be out from under it. I could delve into all of the critiques, the complaints, the wrongs that I’ve seen and experienced, and the questionable behavior of a couple of people that taints the environment for everyone else who wants to be there, doing the hard but rewarding work of providing accommodations, help, and acknowledgement for people with disabilities.

I have heard that one such individual has been, from the time I started working for them, talking poorly and sharing (untrue) stories about me when I wasn’t in the room. It is my hope that those I worked with, those that slogged through the trenches with me know a tale when it’s being spun versus the truth when they hear it.

Those that don’t… well, I’m concerned about them. They are the ones that I worked hard to protect. It is a fact that anyone who works under this person is subject to similar vitriol. The more likely that are to have heard negative or even participated in such conversations, the more likely they are to have similar words said about them. One person in particular, who has been there nearly as long as I was, is completely unaware of all the hate that spewed about them and I wish her luck.

I loved my job, and I explored it to the fringes with everything that I had. Were I given the opportunity to continue on, anything else would have been fine-tuning.

I leave that behind, and now that I’ve shaken off the stress and the disillusionment, I’m moving on to new and brighter things. I’m excited and have a clarity that has been missing for a long time.

I have hope.