Sag Wagon

I’ve known for a long time that I’ve needed to exercise. (Insert creepy 50’s fitness reel-to-reel of school children doing jumping jacks in unison here, with the voice narration of the deep authoritarian voice: “It is necessary to exercise at an appropriate heart rate for a minimum of 20 minutes each and every morning.”)

Doctors have told me, health instructors have told me, friends have told me, heck - even my conscious told me that I needed to get up and move. It’s not for a lack of awareness that I didn’t back away from my computer to begin the path to fitness.

In my mind I was doing all right. In working on campus at CSU, I had to race from one end of campus to the other and up or down flights of stairs on a daily basis. Through the end of last spring’s semester I’d tell myself “I haven’t passed out yet - so I must be doing fine.”

What started me on the path to fitness was a deep awareness that I could no longer participate with my kids in appreciating our great outdoors. I’d lost the confidence in my physical being, and no longer felt comfortable going on hikes, riding bikes or any of the other countless opportunities that Northern Colorado has to offer.

That awareness began with two closely timed events; the email invitation to apply to Project Purpose, and the planning of our family vaca to Mesa Verde.

When I first read the application for P2 - it was intriguing, and required a bit of introspection. Unlike most of the writing that I do, the mini-essays that I completed for the application were spontaneous, unedited, and truthfully raw. When I hit the ‘send’ button I realized just how much I hated my state of flab and decided it was time to do something differently. I never, ever expected to be selected - and it is a little known fact that when we got the email inviting us to participate I was in a state of disbelief for several weeks.

Project Purpose came on the heels of finalizing our plans for our trip to Durango and Mesa Verde. Planning that required that Karl and I ask very matter of fact questions about my fitness so that we could determine what we were going to see and visit.

Looking at the pictures of the cliff dwellings and reading about the physicality required to hike up and down the trails gave me serious pause. While I am honestly terrified of heights, it was the idea of the often-drastic elevation gains on the hikes that made me hesitate, as was the narrowed spaces that the tours require you be able to pass through. I didn’t believe that I could do any of it.

Not the hikes, the cliff dwellings, or the kivas. I’d simply fallen into a physical state of fat and unfit - and the result of that meant that I was left behind.

After being in a state of Mama for the past decade, I was not able to see my kids celebrate life in the first person. I was only able to hear about it as the excitement peaked and each tale ended with “You should have been there Mama, it was so cool!”

That was not going to happen on this trip. I pushed myself, and hard. I overcame my fear of heights by using the mantra “If they can do it, I can do it” as I climbed each and every rung of the ladders. (And yes, I did look down - how can you not!?)

We all had fun on the trip, and even I had to admit that I needed to move a heck of a lot more than I’d been saying all these years, but I wasn’t as far gone as I’d feared. 

Had we not been selected for P2 - I would still be going to the gym, but it would be a lot more of a challenge - overwhelming even and I wouldn’t have the confidence that has given me the freedom to go further than I believed I could. I’d already decided that I wanted better health and fitness so that I could choose to be the sag wagon, not have that choice made for me.

Son and Dot are both excitedly planning for a hike that we can all participate in. They’ve said that I’m doing so well, they want to see how far they can push me (“and not in a wagon, thank you very much!” says Dot.) While I’m apprehensive about what their plans entail, I know that I’m at least able to entertain their plans.

It is often a challenge to share these peeks into my world, to expose my innermost thoughts, observations and doubts. I know that I’m not alone in feeling as I do or in the struggle to make time to work-it-out.

So let our House of Chaos know kind reader - give me a shout out, a thumbs up/like or a favorite quip or quote on the topic of coffee. It is the elixir of my mornings, and a day is not complete without at least one cuppa joe. And, I know I’m not alone in that!

By Any Other Name

Had Project Purpose (P2) started at any other time of the year, I’m confident that team “House of Chaos” would have made very much progress. When we started this project in July, our schedules were less busy and the flexibility allowed me to be able to figure out what did and didn’t work for me. Over several weeks I began to regain my fitness and work through the initial aches and pains of moving again.

I’ve now developed a reliable routine that allows me to be efficient in my time at the gym. Instead of anxiously looking at the clock and fretting about all the remaining items on my ToDo list, I now focus on moving and let my mind free of the worries.

Kickin'it at the gym.

Our team couldn’t be more appropriately named. Each of our separate worlds collided last week - and we spent more time on the go than we did at home on any one-day - which was a test to our resolve, endurance, and the skills that we’ve been practicing for the last several months.

Son made it to all of his practices on time, Dot made it to all of her classes and activities, my troop of Girl Scouts successfully and excitedly ‘Flew Up’ from Brownies to Juniors, I was caught up on all of my transcribing for the students I work with, various meetings were prepared for and successfully undertaken, Karl’s deftness at juggling the proverbial ‘fires’ came into play, homework was attempted (and in many cases completed), and we made it to the gym nearly every day we were supposed to. All in all, it was a typical week, save for the Girl Scouts ceremony.

The challenge though was in the eating aspect. We fell of that wagon and with a great flourish. In celebration of her bridging, Dot picked a restaurant to celebrate, as is our tradition, and her choice did not allow for ‘healthy choices’ - even the lettuce had given up in protest. We talked about healthy alternatives, but also recognized that it was her turn to celebrate a two-year accomplishment, so we dove in and did our best to navigate the options.

By the end of the week we were out of time and energy; eating out was our survival mode. Arriving home at 8:30 pm after a series of long days with few breaks, neither Karl nor I were up to making dinner on Thursday or Friday thus making it three dinners in a row of eating out.

We regained our momentum on the weekend - and spent hours on Saturday and Sunday working in the yard preparing flower beds, the vegetable garden, and other parts of the yard for the winter. In addition to all of the yard work and eating healthily, we also made it to the gym once, and in doing so felt satisfaction in being able to emerge from old die-hard survival habits and regain our healthy ones without guilt.

This week was a true test of the skills that we’ve learned through P2.

=> When you slip and fall (and you will), don’t beat yourself up - start where you are and move on.

=> Healthy is a way of life, not a phase - take the moments you need to celebrate and do just that - but don’t make the moments a lifestyle.

=> Only YOU can do it - no one else can work-it-out, no one else can choose the healthy over the not so.

=> Health is earned only through hard work - there are no easy ways out - no five minute fixes or miracles ‘as seen on TV’.

=> The more you practice, the easier it becomes - both in mind and body.

When it came to fitness, I used to say, “I should” a lot - and truthfully I still do on occasion. But if you, kind reader, happen to find yourself in that place - then do what I’ve done. One thing at a time. One step, one skipped dessert, one healthier choice at meals. They all add up, they all make a difference.

Good Fortune

Here at Camp Chaos, aka the House of Chaos, we have a new member to add to the occupancy list.

It was there, last night after everyone was tucked in and the sound of light snoring was heard coming from each bedroom... softly at first, and then with each passing minute it grew louder...

T'was the sound of a  lone cricket singing his little fool heart out.

And, true to cricket form - the bugger refused to come out of hiding.

At 11:00pm it was cute, kind of quaint, and charming even. One of the season's last hold-outs reminding us of the summer that passed us by.

At 1:00am it was tedious. I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep in the last 4 days and would really like to dish into bed and get some sleeps.

When 4:30 rolled around, I was ready to peel up the tile - and squish that bug. But alas, I was unable to find it.  Little dog was no help either even though he was the one that brought it in to play with and thebOy joined in gleefully - both were deep into their dreamlands and refused to wake.

As the sun came up cricket went to sleeps, and with it my last ounce of 'giveadangd'.

Boy said that he was happy. "Crickets are a sign of good luck, Mama!" ("Who's?" I can't help but wonder, now on day 5 of little sleep.)

After breakfast was served we all went about our ways. Now that it's nearly time for a quick nap before chaos returns home after school, my little field cricket friend is back at work and singing for his soul-mate.

If you need me, I'll be outside in the hammock alongside the other crickets who are still sleeping in the warmth of the sun.

I'm sure little dog will be looking for them, of course.

Bioescence, hyperdrives and magnets.

I have no idea what the hell those words have to do with each other, or why the boy was yelling them at the top of his lungs in quick succession, but that was my afternoon in a nutshell.

I just know the boy was engrossed in his video game, and thusly left his sister alone.

Sister alone may sound like a good thing, and not having the bickering soundtrack take a rest for the day was very much welcomed... but not having her brother to occupy her time...

Sister came looking for me.


"Ma-Maaaaaaaaa!"



"Ma-Maaaaaaaaa!"



"Where are you Ma-Maaaa?!"

So she found me working in the garden, eeking out the last bit of produce from the garden before the final killing frost set it to bed for the season.

"Mama, can I pick this? Mama, can I pick THIS?  Wait - Can I pick THAT?!"

So it went for 15 or 20 minutes before a spider made its presence known and the girl ran screaming the entire way back to the house with dogs in tow.

Thusly, the garden is mama's playground. The spiders and I, we have a working agreement and it's all about safety in numbers.

Junior Mints

As our Brownies bridge to Juniors it seems appropriate to share a few thoughts.

Never in a million years did I imagine that I would be leading a troop of Girl Scouts. Not only did I never imagine doing it, I can’t believe that we are still going strong after two years!

“Troop Leader” sounds like a daunting task - and I can honestly say that the first year we were together, it was at times. But together we’ve found our way, we’ve grown, we’ve figured out how to come together and support each other and we’ve had some pretty incredible experiences.

As I was putting the badges on JB's vest, I couldn’t help but have a sort of trip down memory lane and think back to how much you’ve grown over these last two years and I’m pretty sure each mom did the same thing.

At our first meeting - every single one of you girls said that of all that Girl Scouts had to offer - you wanted to sell cookies. And we have. Some days were warmer than others, some days we sold more than others - but we did it. And we did it as a team. And we have the memories of not only that experience, but also of accomplishing the goals you set - we bunked with the beasts and we went horseback riding, we danced, we hiked, we geo-cashed, we learned about our family stories, we gave back - thru care packages to the FFH and donating cookies to the Harmony House, and that’s just a small part of all the cool things we’ve shared.

Each of you look at each of your vests - the ones that document all that we have done together. Notice that they all have the same badges - representing the skills that we learned, or the adventures that we had, but each vest has it’s badges organized differently. That’s what makes this troop so unique, so special. We each have our own talents, skills, and interests, but when we meet as a Troop, we work together to have the best possible experience and we help each other whenever one of us is having a hard day, or needs some encouragement.

I think back to the little girls that eagerly came to our first meetings, and sought to do every thing ‘just so’ and I look at these Brownies now ready to fly up to the Junior level, and I am excited to see where the future takes us. I’m also excited to … and there I go again. I’m talking too much! So, without any further delays… Let's begin!

Oh! But first! I must have the mom’s stand and be recognized for their hard work and dedication. You mom’s see to it that your daughters make it to the troop on time, you’ve stepped up to the plate to do your part to help your daughters oversee their meetings and prepare their topics, and you’ve become the most amazing people that I can rely on if ever there is a need.

I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t do it without you.

And now before these girls burst at the seams… let's get the show on the road!

Brushing Teeth

It’s been one of those chaotic weeks… well, series of weeks. Colorado State has been in session for only six of them - yet it feels as though we should be nearing the home stretch it’s been so busy.

After blogging about my first episode of dreading going to the gym, I realized why I had that sensation - and spent the next three days RICEing my heel and missing my routine at the gym.

Without realizing it I’d developed an acute case of bursitis on my right heel, making it difficult to workout or even walk. It seems that my achilles tendon was not in the mood to ‘play nice’, and I was forced to take some time off to let it heal.

It was also a good opportunity to realize how much my gym time has come to mean to me. I look forward to the opportunity to release the stress built up during the day and be able to venture home ready and able to enjoy parenting.

As a rule, for every three days that I go to the gym, I have a ‘free’ day to allow my body to recover and regrow. After one such day off, thebOy asked sweetly “Mama, are you going to the gym today?”  And he expressed happiness at the news that I was indeed going to ‘work-IT-out’.

Without my workout, my ability to overlook the natural bickering and loudness of our elementary school aged kids is greatly reduced and the mood of our home reflects it.

After three days of rest, ice & ibuprofen, compressing and elevating my heel I was finally able to return the gym and start  again - only in a lower capacity so that I didn’t extend the time needed to recover.

I’m about 90% healed now, but I’m back to my schedule and routines - and I’m loving every moment of it. For real. (It surprises me too!)

It’s hard to believe that we are half-way thru this journey. In eleven weeks we have accomplished so much - I’m stronger and more nimble. I’m able to move without pain (save for my heel), and I feel healthier than I have in many years. Karl has surpassed his goal of running a half-marathon and is now setting his sights on a full one.

The addition of the time needed to visit the gym and work out or meet with Michelle forced me to realize and admit that I cannot fit everything into my daily or even my overall schedule. For many years now, I’ve squeezed in so many opportunities and obligations that I am overextended. I’ve had to inventory and assess each one and decide how well it now works within the boundaries of my P2.

I’ve given up some of the activities that I’ve found joy and satisfaction in, and there are more to be left behind - so that I am able to continue going to the gym, to continue moving, and to force semi-retired muscles back into shape, allowing me to join in with Karl, Caleb & Meghan when they want to go for a hike, a bike ride or a rafting trip. (I’m putting my foot down at zip lining - Mama doesn’t do heights!)

Finding time to regain my health has been among the greatest of challenges I’ve had to face, but as Karl commented “It’s like brushing your teeth; it’s just one of those things that you have to do.”

Yes, indeed.