The Adventure Awaits

A friend recently announced that she'd made a few significant changes in her life, and in response I asked what new adventures awaited for her in 2012, and whatever they were I wished her success.

Not familiar with this particular use of the word 'adventure', she asked if I could explain what I'd meant.

When I was younger (about 19 or 20) and having a particularly difficult time with school, work, relationships and life in general, a friend explained that when making a significant choice with your life, that the road ahead is an unknown journey - an adventure. You set out with a new goal or destination but along the way there will be good experiences, bad ones... and heart wrenching ones. Each peak or valley will be new and not as you once planned. It is an uncharted path in your life... like those before us who explored unmapped lands.

Referring to milestone decisions and changes as an adventure makes it all seem so much more positive - that anything is possible and the experiences make you a stronger and better person.

My sister's move across the country to start a new life in Boston was an adventure, though it ended too soon and with great sorrow.

My return to school has certainly been and will continue to be an adventure, as is raising two smart and active children. Marriage with Charles is one of the better adventures I've ever had, as is our life in River City.

So, on this New Years Eve, as we are saying our goodbyes to 2011 and all that we learned from it, I wonder, what is your new adventure for 2012? Whatever it may be, I wish you great success and calm in the year to come!

A Toast To You...

'Twas the night before Christmas

not a child is in sight

the presents are all stowed

for the rest of the night.

The tree is well lit,

the martinis are poured

in the couch we've collapsed

but we are far from bored.

For the children have run us

from here, no wait there

seeking sparkles, and twinkles

and light shows with sound.

They've eaten candies and cookies,

drank cupful's of 'nog

cheered for singing and carols

and many a store thru which we did slog.

Each searching for a gift

no matter how small,

that bid to them, said to them

'I love you, with all of my all'.

So now as we wait

for a morning too soon

(someday we hope

they 'might' sleep 'til noon).

A layer of snow now lies thick on the ground

and to you our friends those near and far

from us to you this simple warm wish

a Merry Christmas to you, wherever you are.

12-12-2011

12-08-2011

12-07-2011

Don't Forget

This morning while getting my morning cuppa joe, Charles entered the kitchen and as is tradition I began to ask him my customary Sunday morning question "What's on our todo list for today?"

Before I was even able to get the words "So, what do we..." out of my mouth Charles interrupted me by saying "Don't forget."

"Don't forget what?"

Wrapping his hand around mine he mused "Before you set any goals or objectives... Before you begin to think you might accomplish something today, remember that we have kids."

As if on cue, at that moment that the Tasmanian devils BW and JB dizzyingly made their entrance into the kitchen, simultaneously and eagerly asking "I'm hungry, what's for lunch!?"

Charles's observation gave me a belly laugh, but jeesh... He was right!

11-28-2011

Mistaken Identity

On occasion, when I'm milling about Old Town or on campus, I am approached by people who mistake me as my sister due to the sound of my voice, the melody of my laughter, the manner in which I walk or the similarities in our facial features. Though we live in a somewhat small town, our social circles were different enough that our lives rarely overlapped.

It's only after an often confusing conversation about how my hair looks so different, 'remember the time we were at...' , have I heard or seen 'so and so', and ultimately 'Why are you acting so distant and weird' that I'm able to figure out that they are a friend of AunT's, and that once again I must somberly relay the passing of my sister.

Enough time has passed that this task has become easier, yet the wave of sorrow experienced by her friends who we were unaware of, or unable to pass along the information onto is as fresh and overwhelming as if was just yesterday, not a year and a half ago.

I must swallow my own sadness and provide them with comfort until my own quiet moment in the day occurs and I can mourn for her once again. Only now, I am able to revel in the joy of her life as well as the sorrow of her death. And that alone is a precious gift. I love her and I miss her, but I also have so many memories of her that she will forever remain a part of my little family.

Even the kids say so.

Little Brick Parties

It's a task that I've been avoiding for several months now. But after a very kind and sincere request by BW, I began to help him find his PSP games. That effort quickly evolved into 'reorganizing the carnage of the minion's room' parts I and II.

I can attest that after the events of this LlllooonnnggG afternoon that Legos can and will be found in even the darkest corners of each and every room of this house... I even found a lego in a kleenex box as I went to pull a sheet out.

I wonder if, in fact, there are little lego parties going on in the boy's head even as I write this...

Creative Menu Choice

I've always known that BW often marches to a different drummer, but tonight he demonstrated just how different that pace is...

Tonight's dinner menu was 'make your own deli sandwich'. A variety of sandwich ingredients, breads and finger foods were placed upon the table and each person made their own combo.

THIS was what the boy came up with... and yes, he ate the whole thing... as a sandwich...

Melancholic Moment

‎*Sigh*... I have to admit... I'm hittin' the 40 mark in a little over the week... and d'ang'd - it's hitting me harder than I thought it would.

I know it's 'just another birthday' but somehow this one seems so much more.... melancholic.

The Body is a Temple

Best moment of the day...

Two 'mountain-hippie' girls are chatting as they leave the Anatomy/Zoology building on campus... one holds a diet coke in her hands, the other a Nalgene bottle filled with water.

DC girl says to H2O "I know, I've tried quitting before, but it never works."

H2O girl replies in a tone of disgust "I would never let toxins into my body, really the body is a temple."

As they continue down the walk, H2O girl takes out a cigarette from her backpack, lights it and inhales deeply...

Scary Stuff

Alas, on this bright and sunny day, when Charles and I are bustling about the house and focusing on our regular weekly chores as well as prepping up for the winter, the minions have found a new form of 'hilarious' entertainment.

It's called 'Scaring the shit out of Mama'...

Seriously, they hide while I'm busy doing stuff, and pop out while screaming 'gotchya'...

I, mama, scream bloody murder and drop whatever I was carrying and they laugh until they pee themselves and it all begins anew.

I am not a fan of this game... it makes too much laundry.

The Purest Love

I do believe that my daughter will do more to heal the wounds of my soul that were and are inflicted during my youth than any therapy could... I am a very lucky mama.

11-11-2011

11-08-2011

11-07-2011

11-02-2011

11-01-2011

10-31-2011

10-28-2011

10-26-2011

10-25-2011

10-24-2011

Persistance

JB, having accepted that 'No, Mama is not going to have anymore babies', has instead begun to demand that we adopt one. She is persistant.

'Keep Away' Redefined

I never know quite what the minions are going to come up with next.

Today's venture - reinventing the game 'Keep away'. In their truly unique version, the goal is to keep the other person away from the bathroom, and make them laugh until they pee their pants.

So far BW is losing by 2.

10-21-2011

10-19-2011

Missing Me

I'm in dire need of two things...

1. The semester to be done so I can stop banging anatomy vocabulary into my brain.

2. The end of what has been two weeks of JB waking me up at 4 am b/c she 'misses' me.

10 Weeks and Craving Mini Eggs

Infertility sucks. It sucks the money out of your pockets, the fun out of sex and any sense of spontaneity or joy in life.

Even the strongest, most confident and vivacious woman feels defeated every thirty days or so and any sense of self worth fades when once again she's not been able to do the most basic of biological tasks. 'Aunt Flo' is an inconvenience for many, and devastating for the silent sufferers.

I know because I was that woman, and I lived that Hell for over eight years. I mourned the loss of children never to be, realized that I could never be a complete member of the community we lived in, and that on any given day a significant portion of casual conversational topics brought about awkward silence rather than a sense of camaraderie.

Charles and I struggled with infertility for many years. We saw the doctors, took the tests, did the drugs and timed every aspect of our lives that the joy of love was almost lost. And even though we were 'perfect' patients, we were told that "Without 'Significant' intervention, adoption was our only choice." It was only through a freak moment when science, timing, the planets aligned correctly - whatever it might have been that we found ourselves pregnant.

I have had the fortune of being able to cross the bridge from wanting to be a parent into the life of being parent, but I will never forget the memory of the defeated face looking back at me from the mirror each and every day of those painful years.

Earlier this month on Facebook there was a 'lets surprise the guys' campaign amongst women in support of breast cancer. Women invited each other to post a 'week and candy I'm craving' status - as though indicating a week of pregnancy and the candy they were craving as a result.

While I was never invited to participate in that specific campaign, I have taken part in past ones; where colors of bras being worn were posted, the locations of where we kept our purses, etc.

This one, however struck a painful chord of sorrow. Not because of the purposes behind it, but because of the time of year that it took place and the method by which it was carried out - and that it took place during the month of infertility awareness.

While women who suffer from and survive the complex emotions of the inability to conceive or carry a child to term - many who suffer in silence to avoid the drama of resulting conversations - their friends on FB were proclaiming 'I'm 8 weeks and craving M&M's.' or whatever their sugary craving might have been.

I know that for many of my friends they were not craving candy, they were craving the opportunity to be a parent and my heart goes out to them.

10-17-2011

10-14-2011

10-13-2011

10-12-2011

10-11-2011