Zipper Wars

D'oH!

Seeing JB in my 'most-favorite - had-it-forever - and-will-never-be-able-to-find-one-like-it-again' fleece vest took nearly every fiber of my being and a serious case of self-restraint to calmly approach her and ask her kindly to remove my vest from her not-so-little body and hand it to me.

With a deep sigh of relief I took it from her and kindly explained the following.

'JB. Thank you for giving me my vest. Please, please, please don't wear it. Even as much as I know you love how soft it is, and how it wraps around you like a big hug when you miss me, please. Do. Not. Wear. This. Vest. Ever.'

'But why Mama?' she asked, looking deep into my eyes with her own large hazel pools.

Charles, passing by on his way to the garage, stopped momentarily to clarify 'For generations now JB... well really since the invention of the zipper... children and zippers have been at war with each other. They each push, and pull, and tug, doing their best to see who will outlast the other.

'In the old days when zippers were made with metal, they could cause a child great pain and often won that way. Now most zippers are made out of plastic - so they win by doing things that no zipper should ever do... catching skin, or hair or even clothes in them.

'Really, zippers have evolved to become a torture device of Mamas minds and fingers across the land. No matter who the winner is, no zipper or child will ever be the same again. Though Mama could never love that vest as much as she loves your dear heart, I really, really, really don't want to have to go on another epic search with your Mama for another vest like that one. Does that make sense?'

'Oh. So Mama, is that why BW is always coming to you with his zipper undone at the bottom, but together up at his neck?'

'Yes. And wow. Do you remember that struggle to get that bugger down and the coat in working order again?'

Laughingly she replied 'He looked like the kid on Christmas Story, shaking all over the place - remember the time when BW somehow zipped his SHIRT in his coat!?'

'That I do. I also recall the times that you have battled the zipper yourself - only those usually involved hair getting caught in it.'

'OH! I DON"T want to talk about that! It HURT!'

No matter what the contribution to the wardrobe may be, if it has a zipper at some point there will be a great battle between it and it's child before the zippered wonder is banished from the house with a burst of exasperation and relief by Mama.

My vest will not be one of them. I hide it deep in the corners of my closet when not it's not in use.

Deep in the closet.

And, I have Charles on my side.