Laughter's Folly

Last fall was a joyous season. I found a kindred, one who’d been lost for many years, a puzzle piece of my being, and it’s been a wonderful experience learning about the path of their life so far and looking forward to sharing the experiences of tomorrow. It was just as I mentioned in ‘We Flock Together’, a long lost part of my soul was found and an inner peace flowed.

Unfortunately, they’ve become lost again. Having suffered the recent loss of both AunT and this kindred, not enough time has yet passed to develop clarity as to which is the more devastating.

Through the course of my life I’ve said goodbye to friends and family, both near and far, known and not so well known. Each has its moment of sadness the depths of which depend on the nature of the relationship.

With death, time stands still. It is the concrete moment that what you had, what you shared, your hopes and dreams about them came to an end. With their passing there is an opportunity to question why, to say goodbye but also to know that there are no ‘mores’. Memories are all that you have left. The shared experiences and conversations soften as time goes by, and fondness of the person grows with each season that passes.

For me, unlike the death of a loved one, the untimely loss of a kindred causes a painful state of limbo, a soul tattered with no hope of being repaired. There is only the knowledge that experiences that should be shared cannot; that there are no ‘goodbyes’, no explanations and the pain of hope that you might find each other again someday only grows.

It took more than twenty years to find this kindred, twenty years of wondering how life was treating them, twenty years of wondering if they’d found a loved one and of the joys and sorrows they’d experienced. Twenty years of wondering. I’m fortunate in that I had those few months to catch up with them and share our lives. I only hope that it doesn't take twenty more to find them again. As I learned with the death of my darling AunT, there may not be twenty more.

It’s with the loss of this kindred that I realize the one of the truly great though silent qualities of Charles. He knows me, he understands me, he trusts me. He has the ability to understand that people have kindred’s, that the depths of friendship that have no bounds in what they share, as well as the purity of their friendship. I only wish that all of my kindred’s had their own ‘Charles’.

He is also a great comfort when I need it. Knowing that alone, is comfort in itself.