Of Soap Operas and Bons Bons

When I was a 'professional career person' working as a landscape architect and horticulturist, it wasn't unusual to juggle multiple projects of various phases of completion (read crisis). I found it invigorating, challenging, and it gave me a bigger buzz than any cup of coffee or bottle of diet coke I'd ever had. I was literally jazzed on the prospect creating new spaces, exploring the look of plant combinations, learning about adaptive and naturalized eco-systems, meeting with people and working as a team to meet and conquer new challenges and seeing just how close to an impractical and impossible deadline we could finish the product. Jazzed... simply jazzed. That was before I had children.

After BW was born, I experienced all of the success and more. I also found a new sense of comfort in the work. In spite of the new challenges and responsibilities of the colicky spawn of the devil, I still had the ability to create and to manage. Somehow I not only managed, but I thrived on juggling an infant, a full time job, a house, volunteering, working out, and before I knew it, being pregnant again. I was accomplishing the feat of being a "super mama".

I can admit it now that in my youthful inexperience and naivete I thought that having a second little one would be just as easy as the first one, only there would be 'a little more work'. My error was thinking in terms of addition. Upon hearing this, ANY mother with more that two children will just laugh, nod and smile. The effort required after the first child isn't in terms of addition, it's exponential. I can't explain it. It makes no logical sense what so ever, but that is the way it is. You will feel like you will never sleep again (you will). The laundry will never be done again (really, it won't). And unless you have a cleaning service comprised of someone other than your spouse, your house will never recover from the chaos that ensues. But no one can understand that without experiencing it first hand. Since having had JB, I too have joined the club of the smile and nods.

I also thought that without the job it would all be much easier. When JB was born, it all seemed to be too much. Too much stress, too much laundry, too much unanswered mail, too much laundry, too much to do. I found myself distracted by the exponentially increasing length of the todo list for home, and the pace at work was slowing to the point where it became obvious to one and all that I needed to retire for a few years and as charles puts it "open up a can of whoop ass" and get the kids, the house, the life in a manageable order again.

To think that it would be easier without a job is a terrible, terrible mistake. It is in no way easier. It's just different. Obstacles exist in both lifestyles, they are just different. Would I change how things have been? Absolutely not. But, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm anxious to be working on getting back to Back.

In fact. I can't wait.