My summer physics class started this morning. It was the first time in 20 some odd years that I am a student in an actual classroom. There is nothing quiet like being forced to face your age than being the oldest one in the classroom, well... excepting for the professor. We are probably cohorts actually.
The two classes I took this spring were college level, but they were online. The fact that I did well in both of them is impressive, considering that there was no one to help me along with the subjects, and statistics is difficult when you DO have a lecture class... as well as the other interruptions I had to overcome.
I'm envious of BW & JB's resilience, their lack of knowledge that it IS possible to fail. To them, the world is their oyster and it is there for the taking. It's why they continue to express interest in things they see in the world around them. It's why without hesitation that they try new sports, new clubs, new activities and setbacks don't phase them or diminish their excitement. I am happy for them at their joy in trying new things, and sad in knowing that there will be a time when that eagerness will begin to fade.
I don't remember those days of carefree freedom and I can say with confidence that without Charles, BW, JB and my friends I'm not sure how far I would get on this seemingly impossible journey that I've undertaken.
It is one in which there is a fierce competition for a few coveted positions in the college. Thousands of people apply each year for one of about one hundred coveted spots. These are the states best and brightest if not the countries, and it is my dream to be one of them. Only I'm trying it 12 years after I finished at the university the first time.
It is a journey that is my life's experiences has been preparing me for, and one that I'm terrified I will not be able to fulfill. I'm dreading that I will receive a letter in a few years time that reads something akin to "Thank you for applying, however you have not been selected as a member of the class".
So many resources will be dedicated for just the opportunity to apply, so many months, so much energy, by all of us. As I've gone along I've had a moment or two of self doubt - and it is at those times that Charles has reminded me that nothing ventured really is nothing gained. I will never succeed if I don't try, and I honestly can't think of a better example than this of pursuing your dreams for the kids.
Knowing this, I believe that I've succeeded because I'm at least trying even if I am not accepted into medical school. I am hoping to get back to 'Back'.
Wish me luck... Fingers crossed!
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